Pg 186, Q 2

i totally forgot about the blog. sorry.

I have a number of goals in my life at this point. They range from grandiose to dull. I want to make a documentary film (many) and I want to pay off student loans. The means I have to attain the first said goal is my current major which is documentary film making and a school that makes it possible to learn how to do that with teachers who have done it before. The second goal is not really a goal because I don't want to do that, I have to or else I will get in big trouble and possibly ruin my life. My answer about how to attain that goal is to just get a job. Doing that depends on my experience and such. Of course, I want a job that will let me pay those loans while living comfortably and therein lies the challenge.

My aspiration to make a documentary film comes from an innate desire to inform people of goings on that are not right, oftentimes not ethically right. Also, I want to be able to do it in a "non-downer" fashion. The film medium can reach a lot of people almost instantly.
Paying off school debt comes from a nagging feeling inside that makes me shudder with anxiety and paralyzes me with fear oftentimes so much so that I find it almost fruitless to continue on but I realize that I am literally quite trapped at this point having already buried myself in three years worth of school debt. Phew. This topic would actually make for an excellent documentary film. I say that because a lot of people (banks) tend to take advantage of students (loan rates, etc.) and of all the people in the world (not that anyone should be taken advantage of) they are the ones that should not be. Loans and their obscene interest rates do not encourage learning growth, and, creativity they promote fear, inability, anxiousness, and paranoia about the future. I find that it is certainly unnatural to do nothing but fear graduating. It's supposed to be a happy, exciting, and propelling time but I think it will be the worst day of my life. So, I will jump right into grad school. Always a procrastinator. HAH. Anyway...I digress...
My goals out of reach? Well, that solely depends on me and my work ethic -- which is nothing to brag about. I don't really completely follow the "personal responsibility" way of life but it is necessary to keep oneself in good situations as opposed to bad ones. I try hard not to put myself two steps back but sometimes it's hard to follow through.
Why "out of reach" at some points?
Well, I suppose a natural lean toward hedonistic pursuits.